I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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