Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
