Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
