my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
