Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am midnight drunk by noon
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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