This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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