A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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