dude i'm inner monologue high
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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