he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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