He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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