My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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