my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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