I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
