All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
