Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
