i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
