I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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