Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
