I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
