i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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