turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
