I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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