No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
