Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
