I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
