Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize