I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
