xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
