Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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