Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
