I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
