My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
