Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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