I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize