i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
