Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
