Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
