Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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