if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
