I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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