Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
