i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize