i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
