Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
