i may or may not be watching the land before time
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
