I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
