haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize