my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
