He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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