Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
