i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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