i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
