I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize