Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
