I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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