so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
