i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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