make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
