It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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