What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
