Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
