i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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