here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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