You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
