just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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