real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
