Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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