just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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