first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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