Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
