Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize