Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my sisters under your porch take her home
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
