Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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