i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Actions speak louder than pants.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
