He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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