Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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