He kissed a someone with a penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
