He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
