did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
