if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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