I must be too annoying 4 u.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
