He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
