Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
