stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
