you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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