I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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