youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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