You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
