I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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