i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
