I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize