Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
