remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
