so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
